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(2)Solid Snake vs (15)Tanner 2004
__TOC__ Results Monday, August 16th, 2004 Ulti's Analysis Before this match, the two biggest examples of loser we ever had were Mr. Driller and Adventure. Adventure held the record for the lowest voting output, while Mr. Driller was considered the weakest character we ever had in the field. In one 24 hour time period, this all changed. Solid Snake is a great character and all, but the only way for him to ever score 90% on someone is if they absolutely suck. Snake didn't just score 90, but he came damned close to hitting 95%. This says virtually nothing of Solid Snake's strength, but it says everything about just how much Tanner sucks. How much does Tanner suck, you ask? The aforementioned Mr. Driller and Adventure could each score well over 60% on him. Take a good look at the 2003 Extrapolated standings. Every character above and including Tails could score 80% on him. Tails could score 80 percent! But what's worse than all that is the fact that Gordon Freeman could look at Tanner, call him a ****ing loser, and not sound like a hypocrite. When Gordon Freeman, the man who genuinely tries to lose every match he is involved with, can score over 80% on you, then you know you suck. I love Solid Snake as much as anyone else, but he simply is not strong enough to score 90% in any match, and he's barely good enough to even break 80. Solid Snake was simply the benefactor of squaring off against the worst entrant we have ever had in one of these contests. To think that Tanner was seeded higher than Starcraft is a mockery. Danny Tanner from Full House could probably do better than Tanner did in this match. Tanner got into this contest for one reason, and one reason only. Remember Driv3r? Tanner stars in it, and it was released right smack in the middle of the nomination period. As much of a joke as Tanner is, the Driv3r games have all sold in the millions. Given how many characters are given support during the nomination period, it wouldn't take all too many people to allow Tanner to sneak in above the rest. But I swear, if Tanner somehow manages to sneak back into the field next year, it's time to start hunting down the users who nominate him and allow a perfectly good contest slot to not be used on more deserving characters like Mewtwo, Zelda, Aeris, Geno, Rikku, or even Raiden, Sigma, Dr. Wily, and/or Shion. Anyone but Tanner. I'm not trying to take away from Solid Snake here, because it's nice seeing him do this well in any match; however, something is seriously wrong when Solid Snake can score 90% in any poll. He simply isn't that strong, as his future matches would prove. Match Trends Ed Bellis' Analysis 2004 may have sucked in a lot of ways, but one thing it did give us was plenty of hilarious blowout matches. I’d never thought it possible that there so many different types of blowouts, but 2004 had all of them, and more. But only a select few reach the level of being entertaining, and only a few of that group are classics. Snake vs. Tanner is easily up there with the funniest contest matches I’ve ever seen. The formula is so elegant: put probably the strongest character least likely to get anti-votes against the most generic character imaginable. The result? Over 95% victory. This debacle of a match was the whole reason for the Jay Solano rally (and the reason why Mr. Solano has a Wikipedia page!) – who can we find that’s possibly weaker than Tanner? Whenever you see a new character nobody’s heard of in these contests that’s doomed to failure, they’re “Neo-Tanner.” Tanner reached such high levels of suckitude that he’s doomed to rank last in the all-time Xstats, perhaps forever. Yet his legacy lives on in the hearts of every generic, fodderific protagonist with a gun and a crew cut. Godspeed, Tanner. Godspeed. External Links * Match Updates * Oracle Match Results • Previous Match • Next Match Category: 2004 Summer Contest Matches